When I eat, my roommate says I look like I'm plotting to take over the world.
It was weird when my friend told me that she was getting engaged. She would be my first friend to get married. (and I think weddings are boring!!!)
I never knew until college that girls fantasized about their wedding day since they were little. Suddenly it made sense why there were slews of wedding magazines in supermarkets.
I missed that whole cultural phenomenon. Don't really mind. Quite happy to miss it, frankly.
But my life would have been easier if I had read fashion magazines regularly. Just to understand what was going on. In middle school and high school, I subscribed to MAD, while everyone else read Seventeen. My friend was smart, she subscribed to both MAD and Seventeen. Too bad I didn't meet her until college.
and, yeah, I had to ask her, "What exactly do you do at a bridal shower?" Apparently, it's all female and with gifts and food.
Anyways, Jessica and John's wedding is going to be awesome. It's going to be small and we're all going drinking afterwards and she's going to trash her wedding dress! None of this nostalgia crap.
6 p.m. Today!!!
I usually make my bed and use it as an extra desk.
The bride's father was a Columbian drug lord. We made sure to ingest all of the party favors before boarding our return flight the following week.
Secretly, she agreed to move in with him because she didn't want to deal with buying furniture.
No, this is not spam. I've been the same height since I was eleven, and somehow I grew a half inch recently.
Also, the last two times I've been to the optometrist, my eyes have gotten slightly better.
I'm not complaining.
It is not the direct outcome of an apology.
He was desperate. He rationed himself to one 25¢ frozen burrito per day. He'd been doing that for 5 months.
And there she was, this little old lady. Prim. Pink. And a big purse.
He snatched it.
When he got home, he puked. He had never stolen from an old lady. He kicked himself. He finally decided to keep the money and to mail her back her purse and its contents.
Little did he know, it was a $20,000 handbag. It was ostrich.