chasing cacti

This is my grandma.

She can’t hear but likes to answer the phone.

When I hang out with someone, the less I talk, the more interesting the other person is.

12.08.06

The new Bond looks like Al Bundy

The women are not as hot.

The music sucked and there were no cool gadgets.

I appreciate my aunt’s taste:
Get the bigger screen
the bigger speakers.

If I had a lot of money, I’d buy a lamp store
and take with me a baseball bat.

11.17.06

I lost my underwear at the beginning of my party.

You’re supposed to lose them at the end.

11.06.06

I asked,” Do you know what time it is?” to get a better look at the face sitting next to me.
The person showed me the time on a cell phone.

Nonverbal. Distant.
And I still hoped my phone would not ring and give me away.

I keep losing umbrellas. I hate it!

So, I was looking for my glasses. Kitchen table, chairs, bed, bathroom counter, top of the t.v...

Is my vision improving? I can see the numbers on the face of the clock. That's pretty cool.

Oh, wait-
I'm wearing contacts.

11.03.06

After the Vloggies Pre-Party (an awards show for video bloggers), my friend and I were walking down the street. We ran into some people and then another person came along who introduced himself as one of the presenters for the Vloggies. He was in his forties, from England and very lost and very drunk. The other people excused themselves and we tried to connect this person to his destination. Sometimes he wanted to walk, sometimes he wanted a taxi, and whenever we got him a taxi, he wouldn’t take it.
He kept chatting and chatting and asked if we were going to the Vloggies After-Party, tomorrow night. My friend was, but I wasn’t.

“You should go!!!”
“I went to the pre-party. That’s enough.”
“Come. I have a +1. I can get you in.”
“I’m busy.”
“Come-on! I’m begging you!” His hands were clasped and he was starting to kneel. Out here on the urine drenched sidewalks of Market Street San Francisco.
“I’m begging you!!!” He set himself up and I couldn’t help myself.
“On all fours, baby!”

I’m always shocked when people listen to me.

And when he finally got up, I had to be honest, “I’m not shaking your hands after that!”