My friend categorizes a 6 p.m. meal as lunch if he hasn't done shit that day.
I feel very comfortable around gay men and geeks because they never hit on me.
You know it’s a geek party when there’s twenty people on the patio and not a single person is smoking.
My friend goes
What if they called “small condoms”, “fun size”?
I see through others bullshit. Too bad I also see through my own.
He found taking pills to be nerve-racking. He hastily gulped down water to chase the pills and accidentally swallowed his dentures as well.
My aunt and I went to Japantown, which was unusually crowded. Apparently, there was an Anime Fair. The posters listed events including a costume contest
My aunt goes:
You should enter. You have the hair for it. Just go home, change your clothes, and grab your meat cleaver.
But they probably want anime characters. I guess I can make one up...Swedka? Isn’t that the name of a vodka?...Who cares.
Then the judges might want a name for the series. uh...“No Parking on Tuesdays”.
Never heard of it.
Maybe you’ll win money!
Hopefully. But what if the prize is some doll? That would suck!
I was trying to be friendly and asked, ”What do you do?”
“I’m so-and-so’s girlfriend.”
“I asked ‘What do you do?’ not ‘Who do you do?’”
Some people smile and tell you "Good morning!" in the morning. My grandma smiles and tells you that she took a dump at 7 a.m. sharp.
I have all these scraps of papers of things to write, but I just don't feel like it.